Q: Whats the difference between a jet engine and a flight attendant? A: At the end of the flight the jet engine stops whining Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and God?
A: God doesn't think He's a fighter pilot. Q: What's the difference between a pilot and a pepperoni pizza? A: A pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four. If you masterbate on a plane do they charge you with "hi-jacking"? Q: What do you call a space pilot who lives dangerously?
A: Terminal illness. Q: Why do s have humps? A: So the pilot can sit on his wallet. Q: What do you get when you cross an airplane with a magician? A: a flying sorcerer. Q: Wanna know how to make a small fortune running a charter airline? A: Start out with a large one. Q: What do you call a black pilot?
A: a pilot, you racist. Q: What do you call a pregnant flight attendant? A: Pilot error. Q: What seperates three whores form two alcoholics? A: The cockpit door! Q: What do you call a plane that's about to crash? A: Plane Chocolate! Q: Why will a pilot never starve to death? A: He can always boil his tie. A: By introducing a special Tiger Woods rate where mistresses fly free! A: Because they would quack up! Q: What do you a call pilot that took economics?We love a brilliant pun.
We also love a bad one. What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine. My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up.
It was a brewed awakening. When Whisky met Cognac at the mixer it was clear their relationship was on the rocks. Learn Wine First Aid! Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. I just heard on the grapevine that doctors have invented a new grape variety that acts as an anti-diuretic to help with incontinence.
Cyclist, gym bunny, cork-dork, living proof of the French Paradox and possibly the only Scotsman who doesn't like Irn-Bru. My favourite wine is the next one I haven't tried yet, so pass the corkscrew and let's explore.
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Learn how your comment data is processed. Ruari Cathmoir Cyclist, gym bunny, cork-dork, living proof of the French Paradox and possibly the only Scotsman who doesn't like Irn-Bru.
I am now in Ireland starting a new life. A student was flying back home so he reaches to the airport counter and speaks to the counter officer: Student: Sir, here is my passport and the ticket. Officer: Ok,its alright may i check your luggage. Student: Ok here it is. But I would like to send my green suitcase to Hawaii and my red suitcase to London. Officer: Looking confusedI'm sorry we cannot do that?
A worst case scenario. Coronavirus update: Everyone at John Lennon airport has been quarantined. Imagine all the people. Got tasered picking up my friend from the airport today. Apparently security doesn't like it when you shout, "Hi Jack! This joke may contain profanity. I was at the departure lounge at Heathrow Airport when a tourist said to me - "You know what?
This England country has to be the asshole of Europe" I said "I take it you're passing through". At the Airport check-in The Popes at the airport, The popemobile broke down so he hails a taxi, He demands the driver get him to the cathedral in 10 minutes or less, The driver says its impossible, the pope offers to drive, The taxi driver considers the offer and eventually agrees and hops in the back seat, The pope I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost my case. A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides that because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty Flight Attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly. He leans acros Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them.
He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was.Keep everyone entertained with our updated compilation of the best nautical jokes around. I never saw anybody drink that fast. This establishment has a necktie policy, and you are not wearing one.
That should be OK. After some time, the sailor comes out with a pair of jumper cables. A doctor, a dentist and a lawyer were in a boat together when a wave came along and washed them all overboard.
Unable to get back into the boat, they decided two would hold on to the boat and the third would swim to shore for help. A woman was nearing the end of her tether — every night her husband was snored so loudly that it kept her awake. She decided to call the family doctor to see if there was anything that could be done to relieve her nightly suffering. Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea.
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different colour … green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. I was just wondering if you were my son! How on earth did you manage it without ever spilling a drop? So, the pair set out from shore in a rowboat with the body.
So they rowed out another fifty yards, and the same sailor jumped out again to find the water reached his chin. A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself adrift on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, then another, and another. From inflatable SUPs to engraved compasses we have plenty of gift ideas for boaters this Christmas. From nautically themed drinks to winter warmers and summer coolers, these delicious cocktails are perfect for any occasion, whether you're…. TAGS: boat jokes pirates sailors.
Barcode Navy Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships? So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian! Driving me nuts! Credit: Marjory Collins.
Credit: Jorge Royan.Broke, bottom of the ladder, no supporters, pathetic crowds and a bleak future. A proud, year history of mediocrity, save a fluke premiership and hasn't it all been downhill from there. The dream turned into a nightmare once they started playing with the big boys. I doubt it.
Well, the Monty Python blokes must rue the fact that they weren't around to do a sketch centred around this joke. Better prepare yourself. Keep up the great work, guys.
The car salesman explained that the radio was voice activated and demonstrated this brilliant new feature. Understandably, the man drove away very happy with his decision to buy a Lexus. Then one day the man was driving along minding his own business and listening to some of his favourite music when a car ran a red light and almost cleaned him up.
The Advertiser, Adelaide, August 11, A: Unlikely. Q: Two Port supporters on the moon? A: Very unlikely.
Q: Every Port supporter on the moon? A: Problem solved. Q: What do you call a hot chick in Port Adelaide? A: A tourist. Q: Who won the Port Adelaide beauty contest? A: No one. Q: What do you call three Port supporters in the sauna? A: Gorillas in the mist. Q: What do you call a Port supporter who has had an abortion? A: Because she played for Port Adelaide.Like the drink, the following puns come in all varieties and can be very popular at parties or small gatherings.
Try your hand at giving these a good swirl around, and you might discover your palate is actually more diverse than you thought concerning the humor of these silly wine puns.
Because he had liquor courage. Why are cab bottles scared of vampires? Because they know they like feasting on necks. What do you get when you cross red white and a lion? Why is every box of raisins a tragedy? Because they were grapes that could have been wine.
How can you tell which of the wine tasters is visiting a place for the first time? By the blanc look on their faces. Why were there so many complaints about the service at that banquet? Because the server of the wine did a pour job. What did the wine bottle say to others who lost their cork? Why is it good to share your feelings with a wine bottle? How much is the rent for this amazing apartment?
Donuts, Pizza and Food. Wine Quotes. Brain Teasers With Answers. Good Riddles With Answers. Puns About Wine Like the drink, the following puns come in all varieties and can be very popular at parties or small gatherings.
This joke may contain profanity. Have you heard about the butt plug with a USB port? Now you can really back that ass up! My doctor told me to drink a brandy with port after a hot bath I couldn't even finish drinking the hot bath.
There was a man. An especially unattractive man. He had sex when he was younger. But the older and uglier he grew the less women wanted to be with him. At present he hadn't had sex in over 30 years.
No prostitute would sleep with him. Not even a blowjob or a handjob. Such was his level of ugliness. He had given up on jerking off years ago. He need Sadly the inventor of the USB port died recently. They are still trying to figure out which way to put his casket into the ground.
A famous pirate ship was docking in a free port Because the captain needs to find a wood workshop to fix his ship. He finally found one,and upon entering it,he saw a skilled apprentice. When asked to repair the ship,the apprentice was eager to join the crew,but the captain didn't want to let him in as there were enough crewmembers.
So the captain sa Whoops, wrong sub.
Why can't French vineyards produce a good Port or Sherry? Apple's port names are Thunderbolt and Lightning They're starting to really frighten me.
A luxury cruise liner is about to leave port when the engine breaks down. Every mechanic on staff tries everything they can think of to get it running, but no luck. Desperate, the captain begins asking passengers if there's any mechanics on board.